The Ways of a Mother in Challenging Times

It goes without saying, motherhood is challenging. Infertility, child loss, financial strain, health scares, education needs, relationship changes—these are a few of the greatest challenges in life. Paradoxically, motherhood can be lonely even when you’re hemmed in by people, scary even amongst the sweetest joys, and confusing even when you thought you were prepared. What can we do when the waves of uncertainty come our way?

Depend

Depend on God—and under this heading, depend on those who point you toward Christ, not away from Him. Some advisors will, perhaps unwittingly, encourage you to buckle down, straighten up, or escape. A true friend comes alongside your hardship and reminds you with their words and with their presence to turn your eyes upon Jesus (Prov. 17:17).

Contrary to a cursory view of dependence on the Lord, our struggles do not set a “bad example” for our children. No, struggling and turning to Jesus is the best example we set for our children. We want them to see our dependence on the Lord in the real things of life—in word and in deed, in seasons of plenty and in seasons of want.

Deepen

Motherhood is a calling and a work. It is a work worth doing heartily unto the Lord (Col. 3:23). In challenging times, we may be tempted to shrink back. Instead, the calling of a Christian mother is to lean in. Times of trial provide great opportunity to deepen our dependence on the Lord and on our community. This deepening looks like asking hard questions, making connections we may have previously missed, and focusing on meaning over superficiality.

If there is anything my husband and I have learned from our fixer upper, it’s that the grass is greener where you water it. It’s easy to compare our lives with others when we face life’s unpleasant weather, and sometimes things are objectively better on the other side of difficult circumstances. However, the greatest lie of comparison is that we would do things differently with different resources. We must faithfully give attention to the relationships and circumstances God has sovereignly given us. Is there anything more beautiful than tending a garden with time, attention, and grit and reaping its delicate fruit with your own hands? These principles apply all the more to our relationships with our families and our local church.

Discern

Much discernment is required when we face challenging times. How will we decide what we let go of and where to lean in? We must ask the Lord for wisdom and depend on Him, even in our judgments and interpretations.

If we want things to grow, we must give attention to them and ask the Lord for wisdom to see what is not working. We should acknowledge and resist the temptation to stick our head in the sand or insist on requirements not prescribed in Scripture. There are times when urgency is needed. For example, we should flee sin and harmful environments. However, the most consistent need in our homes and the local church is tending. This takes time, patience, and consistency.

Dream

Don’t forget to dream. Whether it’s the busyness of mothering or a challenge you can’t see past, many mothers, in a sincere effort to remain faithful or lessen the pain, put their heads down and forget to look up. The Lord is not done with you yet. If we spend all of our attention only on the next task, we may not see the God-given dreams the Lord has put before us. Motherhood should not end our dreaming, though it often requires some creative thinking.

The needs of mothering may leave us irritable or resentful. We may at times be left wondering about the road not taken. God’s Word reminds us that love “does not insist on its own way” (1 Cor. 13:5). Motherhood has a way of enriching our lives in a way we could not have imagined on our own. The focus of our dreams may change from season to season, but our God-given callings will not. The Lord has a way of weaving us back into the gifts He gave us. Your purpose is not simply the work of your hands. Your heart and your mind matter to God and to those who love you.

Delight

It is so easy to miss the small joys in the midst of trials. Many wise passersby have said to a young mother, “The days are long, but the years are short.” Delight in your children. Take time to call to your mind and to their attention their unique attributes. Take time to build special memories. This does not need to be complicated or ornate. Rather, it is those conversations that point to truth, goodness, and beauty that especially create meaningful memories for our children and point them, most importantly, to their Maker.

It can be painful to delight when you are facing a serious struggle. In these times we can remember:

Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps. 37:4)

Turning to the promises of God not only brings us comfort but also anchors us in the storm and allows us to see His hand in every step along the way.