What Does the Bible Say About Friendship?
Christian friendship is essential for the Christian life. Following Jesus was never meant to be done alone. It was never meant to be lived out in shallow, transactional relationships. Living out God’s purposes for us in Christ is tied to close, honest, meaningful relationships with others. So, let’s start with a basic definition of friendship affirmed by the principles of Scripture: Friendship is an intimate relationship of love, trust, and loyalty.
Throughout the pages of Scripture, we find different kinds of relationships that meet this definition. We should begin with Genesis and the first marriage of Adam and Eve. In the opening chapters of the Bible, we see that in God’s design it was not good for man to be alone. This was not simply referring to closeness in marriage but to a necessary companionship as a pre-fall design that embodied love, trust, and loyalty.
Moving further into the Old Testament, we find the brothers Moses and Aaron, and we see a lifelong friendship between these two servants of God’s people. Despite moments of conflict between them, they strengthened and supported one another over four decades of life and ministry.
Fast-forward to the New Testament, where we find Paul and Barnabas. These two men were called by God and placed together in the providence of God not just to support one another in missionary work but also to be company and companions in the work.
Perhaps the best model of friendship that captures the biblical spirit of this idea of love, trust, and loyalty is the relationship between David and Jonathan. This moving friendship is best seen in the throes of King Saul seeking to kill David. This caused David to run for his life, and the narrative of 1 Samuel 23 finds this conflict at its height. Despite God’s using David to help save the people of Keilah, David continued to flee from Saul’s pursuits. In 1 Samuel 23, David was weary, discouraged, and hiding out in the wilderness from the king when an unexpected companion arrived. Jonathan, Saul’s son, sought and found David hiding, and the author picks up the dramatic scene here:
David saw that Saul had come out to seek his life. David was in the wilderness of Ziph at Horesh. And Jonathan, Saul’s son, rose and went to David at Horesh, and strengthened his hand in God. And he said to him, “Do not fear, for the hand of Saul my father shall not find you. You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you. Saul my father also knows this.” And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord. David remained at Horesh, and Jonathan went home. (1 Sam. 23:15–18)
Sometimes we need a comforting voice to remind us that we are not alone.
Jonathan arrived at the perfect, providential time when David needed a friend. In this moving account, the writer captures both a template of biblical friendship and some of the benefits of friendship that we need too when it seems the world is against us. Like David, it is a close, safe, trusted friend that we need most. Consider six benefits of Christian friendship:
1. Presence (1 Sam. 23:16)
Let us never underestimate the power of presence: “Jonathan, Saul’s son, rose and went to David.” Often, friendship begins with simply the presence of someone else.
2. Strength (1 Sam. 23:16)
What did Jonathan do that was so significant? Jonathan “strengthened [David’s] hand in God.” We don’t know exactly what that meant, but it is clear that God uniquely used Jonathan’s presence, pursuit, and words to strengthen David to continue to trust God.
3. Comfort (1 Sam. 23:17)
Jonathan said, “Do not fear.” Apparently, Jonathan saw that David was afraid. Any of us would be afraid if the king was seeking our life. And yet, sometimes we need a comforting voice to remind us that we are not alone. We need a message from a friend who says: “Do not fear. I’m here with you, and God is with you.”
4. Protection (1 Sam. 23:17)
Jonathan said, “The hand of Saul my father shall not find you.” How could Jonathan say this? He couldn’t prevent Saul from finding David, but this was a statement from Jonathan that he would protect David. It was as if Jonathan were saying, “If my father comes after you, he must go through me to get to you.” Sometimes when we feel deeply alone, we need someone to declare, “They have to come through me to get to you.”
5. Providence (1 Sam. 23:17)
Jonathan reminded David of God’s purposes. He said, “You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you.” Sometimes in crisis, we need a friend to remind us of truth we already know but have forgotten. Jonathan, the rightful heir to his father’s throne, reminds David that God’s purposes are to make David king—not Jonathan. And yet, as his friend, Jonathan will be with him.
6. Promise (1 Sam. 23:18)
To seal this moving commitment of friendship in this crucial moment in their lives, Jonathan and David “made a covenant before the Lord.” This was a promise between these two men that was binding between them and before God. Based on these words of Jonathan, it was a commitment that said, “I will always be for you and with you.”
The relationship between David and Jonathan is a beautiful example of biblical friendship for Christians to pursue and experience. It is never good for man or woman to be alone. We need each other. We need friendships full of love, trust, and loyalty.
