The Importance of Kindness in the Home

There exists an amazing irony in the modern world of social media: Some of the meanest posts and messages come from professing Christians. There are multiple reasons to explain this phenomenon, but one thing is for sure. Somehow, an essential aspect of the fruit of the Spirit that should bear witness in every follower of Jesus is missing: kindness. One sad implication of this lack of kindness in the lives of some professing Christians is how this deficiency shows up in our homes. One of the clearest pieces of evidence that the Holy Spirit is at work in our lives is often seen in something very ordinary: the way we treat the people in our home.

Paul tells us in Galatians 5:22–23 that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (emphasis added). Kindness is not simply a desirable personality trait; it is fruit. It is evidence that the Spirit is producing something in us that we cannot create by our own strength. And if kindness is evidence of the Spirit’s work, then our homes ought to be some of the first places where that fruit is visible.

That may sound obvious, but it is remarkably easy to be kinder to people outside our homes than to those who live with us. We can smile at a stranger, patiently listen to a coworker, and graciously interact with people at church, but then come home and respond to our spouse or children with irritation, impatience, or indifference. How do we cultivate kindness in our homes toward those with whom we live and share our lives the most?

1. Kindness requires gospel empowerment.

True kindness is not merely about being nice. It is fueled by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit at work in someone who has been transformed by the good news of Jesus Christ. Kindness flows from knowing that we are sinners and have been forgiven much. Kindness emerges from a heart that has experienced the mercy of God. Kindness recognizes that we have been shown grace when we deserved judgment. So then, the kindness we show others in our homes is simply an outpouring of the mercy and forgiveness we have been shown in Christ. True kindness comes from a place of gospel transformation in the softened heart of one who has been shown mercy. And there is no place where such transformation will be more tested and evident than among those with whom you live and share your life at home.

2. Kindness is often very ordinary.

Most opportunities to show kindness in our homes will not look particularly spiritual. A husband notices that his wife has had a long day and takes care of something that normally falls to her. A wife listens patiently while her husband processes something difficult rather than immediately trying to fix it. A father puts down his phone and gives his son his full attention. A mother responds gently when her child asks the same question for the fifth—or even fifteenth—time. A teenager notices that a sibling needs help and serves without being asked. A family member says “thank you” for something that is usually taken for granted. These things may seem small, but they are not insignificant. Much of Christian discipleship (and by extension the fruit of kindness) happens in the ordinary moments of family life.

We should not underestimate the spiritual significance of a gentle answer, a patient response, a thoughtful act of service, or an encouraging word. These ordinary expressions of grace help cultivate the habit of kindness in the heart and life of the Christian.

3. Kindness is contagious.

So much in the home is caught, not taught. Kindness is one of those aspects of the fruit of the Spirit that rubs off on others. Kindness often produces kindness. Likewise, bitterness and a mean spirit shape the atmosphere of a home and—like a cold or virus—are caught by others despite their best efforts to avoid them. A husband who shows kindness to his wife may spur on their sons to show that same kindness to their mother and sisters. A wife who shows kindness to her husband might model how their sons and daughters can show respect to their father. Kindness usually breeds kindness with those in Christ because Christians love to imitate others as they imitate Christ.

4. Kindness is a wonderful aspiration.

I once sat with a young seminary couple seeking marital counseling from me as their pastor. The husband had high aspirations for pastoral ministry and had a reputation on campus as someone who excelled in his academic studies. And yet, it was his quiet, shy wife who spoke with great clarity and wisdom at a key moment in that counseling room when she said, “I would rather you be really kind than really smart.” There are many wonderful Christian virtues and gifts to aspire to in our lives as we follow Jesus and seek to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. But we would all benefit if kindness became a central virtue and pursuit for us—starting in our homes.