How Should I Deal with the Shame of Returning to the Same Sin? How Can I Pursue Lasting Change?

What should Christians do with the shame of a recurring sin? Today, Michael Reeves offers biblical counsel for finding hope and pursuing real change in the face of ongoing temptation.

NATHAN W. BINGHAM: This week on the Ask Ligonier podcast, we’re recording live from Ligonier’s 2025 National Conference, and I’m joined by Dr. Michael Reeves, who serves as president and professor of theology at Union School of Theology in the United Kingdom. Dr. Reeves, what do I do with the shame that I experience when I keep falling back into the same sin again and again? And how can I seek lasting change?

DR. MICHAEL REEVES: When you have a besetting sin—something that constantly draws you back to it—and you stumble again and fail again, what you will invariably experience is the accusing whispering of Satan, who will say: “You are beyond recovery. You should give up now and walk away. You can’t be a believer because of your constant repeated failure.” And so, what happens is your guilt and Satan’s accusations prompt you to go into the spiritual sulks—if I can put it like that—prompt you to run away from God. And in that situation, you feel: “I don’t want to be with God’s people. I don’t want to open His Word. I don’t dare pray because I’m not worthy. I feel dirty and a failure.”

What you need to know in that situation is the forgiving grace of the most merciful God, who says, “By this you will know that I am the Lord your God, when I deal with you according to my namesake, not according to your evil ways” (Ezek. 20:44). This God deals with us according to His grace. And when you, particularly in a situation of guilt, shame, a sense of failure—when you see God is so gracious, His forgiveness is greater than your sin, the blood of Christ is stronger than your sin, His mercy can go deeper than your sin, then, when you see that, you will think: “Really? Can He be that good?” And when you believe it, you’ll want to run back to Him. So, when you’re feeling shame at besetting sin, the first thing to do is apply the gospel to yourself. Remember the gospel of God’s grace, and His grace will win you back.

The second thing is, and really I’m building on Augustus’s Toplady’s great hymn, which talks about Christ as the Rock in which we hide before God. And in that hymn, Toplady says, he talks about the water and the blood that from Christ’s riven side flowed, cleanse me from the guilt and power of sin. And the cross has the ability not only to cleanse us of our guilt, but also to undo the power of sin in our lives. So, in 1 John 2:15, John writes, “If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” And the reality is, you go through your life driven by what you love, and the reason you are falling into your besetting sin is because that seems pleasurable to you. You love it. You may also hate it at the same time because you don’t want to fall back into it. But it’s so appealing to you, and you cannot kill the lust for that sin by simply telling yourself not to do it. The only thing that will drive out your love for that sin is a superior love for God. And that superior love for God will come about when you see He’s loved you first. When you see the love of God in the cross of Christ, when you see that flowing water and blood, shed for you, then it not only cleanses you of your guilt but also of the power of sin. You see Christ’s redemption of His people, and you don’t want to offend Him more. He becomes more beautiful to you than your sin.

So, when you are struggling with the shame of your besetting, ongoing sin, first, apply the gospel to yourself. Remember His grace and His grace will win you back. Second, apply the gospel to yourself, and the love of God will drive out the love of sin.