How Can Church Members Help Create Greater Unity in the Life of a Congregation?

How can church members actively pursue unity? Today, Joel Kim reflects on the Apostle Paul’s tender image of a nursing mother to illustrate how care and hospitality cultivate lasting fellowship.

NATHAN W. BINGHAM: This week on the Ask Ligonier podcast, we are recording live from Ligonier’s 2025 National Conference, and we’re joined by Rev. Joel Kim, who is president and assistant professor of New Testament at Westminster Seminary California. Rev. Kim, how can church members help create greater unity in the life of a congregation?

JOEL KIM: Ministry is a relationship. I recognize that many of us who are in pastoral ministry or seeking pastoral ministry, oftentimes, we think of intellectual ideas and information shared with one another. And certainly, teaching and preaching, as well as encouragement to one another in the Word, is a major portion of what we do as a congregation together. But there is an interesting description of ministry found in the writings of Paul in 1 Thessalonians 2. One of the things he talks about is that there are analogies that can be given to pastoral ministry and, therefore, by extension, ministering to one another. And the analogies are simply being a father figure and a mother figure—father figure in the sense that he is teaching, admonishing, and encouraging, and modeling for the family. But just as importantly, that as a mother figure—and the specific discussion is how he ministered among them as “a nursing mother” takes care of her child (1 Thess. 2:7).

And what’s important here is about a mother’s love, which is very unique. I remember when our daughter was born, and my wife was feeding her in the middle of the night. And she turns to me at like four o’clock in the morning, and she said, “Joel, isn’t Anna beautiful?” And she was probably a week old, and I, being a first time dad, tried to get up with her as much as I can, though I was a completely unhelpful, and I turned to my wife—and perhaps this is not the most encouraging—but simply said, “No, actually, not at four o’clock in the morning—maybe six o’clock.” There is a unique love that Paul is trying to tap into when he talks about how ministry among people is like a nursing mother ministering to her child. That element oftentimes is very difficult to find in churches. I’m not saying it’s absent, but it’s not an easy thing for any one of us to do.

So, though I am limited in terms of my understanding of how we can encourage one another, I will say that, on the one hand, we should pray for others. I know many people who have a list and catalog of names of church people, whether well-known to him or her or not, simply praying for them. Just recounting in them in your prayers and remembering their names goes a long way in drawing out affection that you have as Christ sees them.

The second thing is making every effort to memorize their names. I know that sounds like much, and I’m not the best person at memorizing faces and names, but for many who are there, many who are especially on the periphery of the congregation, to be known and seen is an amazing thing. And for us to make that extra effort to know their name and their history and past is a wonderful way of ministering to one another.

One of the things that many of us, and especially growing up in a pastor’s family, what I was encouraged to do was not to mingle right after service with the people we know, but search out the people we haven’t met. There are so many people in our congregation that have been attending for years that I have not yet met. And here the encouragement is, I think the phrase is slow walk through the parking lot, simply meaning your intention there is not to get to your car or to meet friends, but to meet those that Lord brings into your life during that time, and having time with them is such an important one.

And then lastly—and there are many more, I’m sure, that can be added by way of wisdom—but hospitality. My mother’s gift as a pastor’s wife was hospitality, I think, in terms of bringing people into our spaces and homes, inviting them into our very living room to share our lives together. And ministry is about sharing one’s life with one another because the Lord has saved us into a community that’s referred to as not only the body, but also the family. And family gathering is an important part of how we encourage, stretch, love one another. And I think these are some things that many of us can do without too many efforts or difficulties.